My bonbons

Finally… I have watched Sick-O. Another masterpiece of Michael Moore that raised many discussion about the health system in the US.

It was pretty scary to think about the situation in the US. His arguments are so strong making it less difficult for audience to be confinced. He gather individuals to share their heartbreaking story about how they can not be treaten by hospital just because of financial reasons. People are actually dying in the US just because insurance companies are making tremeandous profit from the health system.

Sick people sent to other hospital just because that particular hospital has no financial agreements with the insurance company. Untreaten patient shoved in to a cab and being ‘dump’ in front of a shelter. Bah… it made me sick.. sorry it MAKE me sick.

Does human life counts only as numbers now? Is it all about the cold hard cash now?

Mr. Moore went to other countries to see whether the ‘evil’ universal treatment actually works. His findings was so positive that even he could not believe the facts. Free healt care exist…

If it is free in Cuba, to be consider as a poor country.. Why isnt free in my beloved home country Indonesia? 

My first reasoning was: TAX!! not all the tax are collected in Indonesia. If it is being collected, personnel of the tax office is bribable, allowing them to keep a portion of that money into their own pocket. Tax payers is paying less resulting to the country not receiving the full amount which lead to cut back is governments’ sections such as health system.

After thinking about it, there are sooo many other reasoning. Culture, the concious and many more.

I’ve met a doctoral student who is studying medicine in The Netherlands, he almost graduate and was busy setting up a distribution to import cancer medicine to Indonesia. After he explain to me about his activity, I asked him one question:

"If somebody with a cancer knock on your door and ask him to give the medicine for free, will he give it to that person?"

He couldnt answer it…..

Greed… human most important characteristic. To me greed can be perceived as something positive. It push you.. motivate you to be better. It motivate you to be SOMEBODY. It push you to study and later on to get a good job with a good salary and to live happily ever after. But can you control your greed? I know I cant… you just wants more and more and more…

Greed is acceptable until a certain limit… but where is this limit?! 

So… why does medicine cost so much nowadays? YES… GREED !!!
Making money above poeple lifes…. you make me sick !!!!!!

Opened my eyes.. happy to see you lying next to me..
Sleeping peacefully in my arms.. 
With a smile that could melt an ice berg..
A smile that warm my heart..

One magical nite where my lips met yours..
Your lips speak soft sweetness..
Your touch full of gentle cares..

I am lost in your magic..

With your arms around me..
Not willing me to be away from you..
Wanting me to be next to you..

If I would have one wish..
I would have wished..
to wake up every morning..
With the breeze of your breath on my neck..
The warmth of your lips on my cheek..
The touch of your fingers on my skin..
And the feel of your heart beating with mine…

Sunshine.. I miss you !!

I was so down when I arrived in Jakarta. I had to confront things that remind me of Her. I gave up a lot of thing just to keep her out of my mind. But God must love me.

I met two friends who made me realized that I have changed, in a positive way. They gave me that last push to move on. Moreover, He sent me this gorgeous little princess just to give a fresh air into my life. Both of my friends are really happy to see my changes. They complimented me and they were actually gave me this good feeling.

As for my princess, I only met you once but you’ve made me consider taking a master degree. Which I might do ass well. Who are you actually? all I know is that you are my princess. Without knowing it, you helped me a lot. I can feel some butterfly in my stomach again. Don’t worry guys, I am not in love. She is just a girl that I really really like after Her. Because of that I am thrilled, I can move on now.

As for Her, I miss Her so much. But rite now, all I can thing is: “Too bad, I expected more from you.. way more and I guess I just overestimated you”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still in love with Her and without a doubt, She is still the love of my life, but I know that, now I have to act against my heart and follow my brain. Even though, my heart is screaming from deep down inside. I have to move on

I thank God for this happening. I am totally a wreck now. I slept 4-5 hours a night and I am eating unhealthy things but emotionally, I never felt better. Because I found out that there are actually people who believing in me, supporting me and loving me.

I am now in my hotel room all alone. A girl actually offered me whether she can spend the night with me. I gently refused it. I kept on thinking the things that my friends mentioned about me and these words make me strong. I want to change again, to be an even better person.

This trip is a gift from heaven. As for you my friends, I love you so much. Thank you for your support. I miss you guys already.

As for Princess, I would really like to see you again!!

Last week….

- I’ve seen a man being reanimated in an ambulance
- My Accounting Financial teacher expected a 7 from me (he has faith in  me)
- My boss asked me not to go to Sweden so that I can work at the restaurant
- Went to a movie with Prima and Intan
- Became a MC in front of 200 peeps
- have seen 3 accidents
- My brother got a new girlfriend
- Met a sweet, cute, beautiful girl
- Changed my phone number
- Cleaned my room
- Washed my car
- Work 25 hours in a week (beside school)
- I’d cried
- Dont give a damn about one single shit
- Smoked twice as much cigarettes as I used to
- Offered a job as a private driver
- Feeling so tired
- Found out that my mom was tested positive for tumor, now waiting for result: I hope it is not a cancer.

Quite interesting…

I had found out that I can not feel atmosphere and situation the way I was used to.. Idul Fitri gone by without any special feeling at all.. Going to parties without enthousiasm.. Received girls phone number and throw it away the next minute..
going to dates and feeling numb and bored..

What have I become.. Am I so obsessed with school that I forget to enjoy life..
Am I so obsessed to finish within 2 years that I had forgotten my friends..
I dont plan my future anymore.. I dont put pressure on my self about others but I do do my best on school thingy. Dang… I even considering to quit football.

I’d played my best game so far last sunday. with two goals, one assist and made the opponent make an own goal, but afterwards I dont feel the feeling that I used to feel. The passion is just gone..

I am not letting anybody to enter my teritory anymore… The now, heavily guarded, teritory which I used to open widely for other to walk in.
I just dont trust people anymore… I just dont love people anymore… I had lost faith in love..

I believed that the one who you love and trust are the people who can hurt you the most. And I am sick and tired to be hurt.

Maybe someday.. I can be my self again. And I hope the day will come soon… coz I just hate being me rite now !!

The older I get the more wisdom I find in the ancient rule of taking first things first. A process which often reduces the most complex human problem to a manageable proportion.
Dwight D. Eisenhower

A pessimistic person is a optimistic person with experiences.
Mr. King

I hate Me..
for not appriciating my life..
I hate Me..
for feeling depressed..

I spit on Me..
for not doing my utmost..
I spit on Me..
for letting it go so far..

Stupid Me..
underestimated life..
Stupid Me..
overplanning the future..

Laughing Me..
crying the past..
Laughing Me..
hoping and dreaming the past..

I sorry Me..
regreting all..
I sorry Me..
coz it is too late..

Regrets..
always at the end..
Sorry..
won’t change anything..

Me..
you are a dispicable loser..
Me..
grow up..

Sitting in the train, reading a book written by Trompenaars..
Fighting to stay awake.. and trying my best to concentrate on the book..
All of the sudden.. I was shocked by the train that had made a sudden stop…

"Ladies and gentlemen… We stopped becaused of possible accident with a jumper"

NOoooo…. a suicide by jumping in front of a train. It can cause a delay of at least 2 hours.
Swearing and cursing I looked outside, try to have a glimp of what had happened outside like all other passangers…

I stopped swearing when I looked at this red schoolbag that had been left behind. Its a girl…. from the bag I can see that she can not be older than 17 years old. I started on praying.. hoping for the best for her.

Five minutes later… "Ladies and gentlemen.. Luckely we only found a bag and there is no jumper, we will proceed our journey in a short moment"

Realizing.. How precious life can be..
Imagining.. What a waste of another soul if this girl really had jumped.
Happy.. that everything is a O.K. now…
Sad.. Coz somewhere in this country, there are people who are having problems that can easily be solves but they will choose the shortest way anyway… A way without no future, no comma.. just a big DOT which will end it all.

Life… You are so precious for us. I will always charrish you !!!

Am I up.. or am I down rite now ?!

Feeling happy, blessed and wonderful but yet sad and lonely.
Smiling but yet screaming inside.. Is this a charade ?!
Am I two faced? laughing and crying at the same time..
Schizophrenic maybe ?!

Blessed by my friends but yet lonely coz of missing Her..
Am I missing Her or just the memory of Her ?!
Having a blast but yet nobody close to share it with..
am I that pathetic ?!

To whom should I thanks this mental attack to ?!
Her, Friends or my self… ?!

Took me some time but knowing it now..

Realising… It was ol’ silly me !!
Now, Picking up the pieces just to move on..

No more illusions.. No more hope and dreams…
Just me and this world.. It is time to change my own faith !!

Reality.. you got a date with me !!!!!

Ps. I am fine.. Thanking all my friends for being.. themselves !!

This morning I woke up and finding it difficult to get out of my bed.
Last night I received an Email from Mrs. Anderton which says that second year are invited to go to the guest lecture. Since i’d missed this guy last year, I decided to join the guest lecture.

Happy to see Oriana, my sugarpie who had just got engaged during her vacation in Aruba. Congratz babe !!

The guest lecture wasnt that interesting, we did this test to find out which part of a group you are. I am a collaborated person, Alie, an Italian girl who was sitting next to me was a Avoider.

Further than that, the guest lecture didnt mentioned anything that I didn’t know. So it was kind a rehearsal for me until he said this sentence: "who wants to be a trainee in a company?"

After he was finished. I approach him and ask whether I can be a trainee for one day in a week, he ask for my resumee and with a little bit of luck, I will be his trainee for the next half of year.

Guys, wish me luck. He promised me to give me advise and guidance so that I can fulfilled my study in three years.

I had my down… and now I want to go up… World kicked me real hard but now I am kicking world back…

World….. Here I come… Be ready for me !!!!!!!!